you are more

Values shift.

What once was indisposable becomes irrelevant as circumstances change.

When I was in the car accident, I grew anxious when it seemed I would be hospitalized during the Thanksgiving holiday.  I was despondent at the thought I’d be in the hospital on Christmas Day.   I could not fathom being away from my small children, my family, my parents on the holidays.  It was inconceivable to me that I would not spend the day at the family dinner table or on the living room floor opening presents with my kids under a gorgeous tree.

Now, my Dad is medically sedated and attached to a breathing machine to help give his lungs time to recover from infection caused by a mistake made by an anesthesiologist.  Twelve days ago this doctor poked a hole through my Dad’s throat while putting him under general anesthesia for a surgery to repair two tiny bones in Dad’s foot.    Dad’s foot is healing fine.  He can’t get enough oxygen in his lungs.

Thanksgiving shifts to my house for all of the kids and we plan which of us adults get to spend what times with Dad during Thanksgiving Day.  Even though he’s sedated.  Even though he may not even know we are there.   It’s where we all want to be because he is.  We know.

Perspective changes.

I walk through the ICU.

I smile at the ICU nurses, doctors and cross functional medical teams.  We exchange greetings, hugs, a kiss on the cheek.  It’s been a few weeks this journey we are on together.  My respect, appreciation and gratitude for them enormous.

Families.   Tears.   Empty rooms.

This song comes to mind.  What I wish I could say to each of these precious people in the same situation.  Just different faces, colors, names.

You are more.

This pain is temporary.    This is not about what you’ve done, who you are, the sum of your problems or past mistakes.  The road that led us all here.

You’ve been remade.

If there were no mountains to climb we could not appreciate their beauty.  We would not know the pleasure of a valley when we find  ourselves rambling contentedly through one.

You are more than this place.  You are more than this pain.  You are more to the only One that matters.

You are more.

Even here.

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